Annoying Stoner Habits that Grind Your Gears
It’s probably been a while since most of us seshed with our crew. The pandemic and germaphobic tendencies have us all a little reluctant to pass the bowl with strangers. Nevertheless, we thought it would be fun reminisce about all those pet peeves we’ve experienced as consumers of cannabis. For this we reached out to members of the extended Loud News Net family to find out what annoying stoner habits grind their gears.
For this article, I will expound on the annoyances provided by our panel so the audience understands their true pain. Below are the quotes of the actual texts I received (we at Loud News support social distancing, and basically wanted to make this article as easy as possible to assemble).
Panelist 1: Richard Powers
Our first panelist is Richard Powers. Loud News fans might remember Richard from the time he was getting all horny over chocolate eggs. He was also the inspiration for this article by randomly texting his frustrations over annoying stoners. I stole his idea and ran with it. Big whoop. Here’s what he had to say.
“Holding the lighter to the bowl pack too long (scorching the bud and wasting lighter fluid)”
This is really an amateur hour special. Not only is it annoying, it’s inconsiderate to your homies smoking with you by not leaving them any greenies. I mean people actually smoke weed because they enjoy the taste of fresh bud. Amirite?
“People who smoke WAY too much weed in one sitting (huge blunts, etc.)”
We’ve brought up baby-arm sized joints before in Jason Dutch’s article. Look, at some point you’re just wasting weed. You can only get so high before you pass out or drool on yourself while playing PS4. No need to push the envelope to obtain “higher enlightenment”. It doesn’t really work that way.
Panelist 2: Handsome Pete
First, yes these are real people. Second, I’ve known HP for a very long time and if there is anyone who can identify a legitimate gripe, it is he. He’s a seasoned vet and, based on his input, very experienced at partaking with annoying stoners.
“Slobbering all over the joint. So fkn NASTY”
I concur with my friend here. The joint is not a straw. It is not a lollipop. Dry your mouth before making a mess. Hopefully this type of annoyance is a thing of the past once we are through The ‘Rona, but who knows? Some slobberers are hard to change.
“Bustin out their dumbass stoner conspiracy theories”
Sure, everyone loves a good conspiracy theory. I’m personally intrigued by many. The moon landing, 9/11, aliens all make for quality entertainment when you’re surfing YouTube at 2AM. However, 10 minutes after blazing is probably not the best time to launch into your theory about how the Nazi’s influenced modern music by detuning the A key frequency to 440mHz to cause chaos and violence in the world. Chill man, don’t be Sir Buzz Killington. Just chill…
“Clown who always jumps in the cypher but NEVER has weed”
Ah yes, the scavenger smoker. We all know one. Two. Maybe three. These are the people who never buy bud, but are always willing to smoke yours. We live in a society of laws people! We all must contribute.
Panelist 3: Captain Andy
Captain Andy is the most trusted consigliere of Loud News Net. He’s also a true professional consumer of the ganja. In the future Captain Andy will be blessing us with his podcast, but for now he gives us his most annoying stoner habits.
“#1 by far, isn’t against true weed heads, but non-stoners dabbling and breaking a cypher”
The Captain is completely correct on this point. If you’re a first-time, or part-time dabbler, don’t jump into a varsity team cypher. Pretty simple. You can’t expect to play against Lebron and the Lakers without hitting the gym first! Before that, go take a few practice tokes with a few close friends. You don’t want to choke violently or act dumb high in front of more experienced smokers.
“#2 Not judging how many people are smoking and not lighting up enough weed”
Everyone likes a giving stoner. But don’t act like that bowl pack is going to satisfy your 10 stoner homies that you promised to smoke up. Hopefully, it wasn’t the last of your stash. Otherwise you’re just being faux-generous.
What Grinds Your Gears?
Do you agree with our panelist’s pet peeves? Have other annoying stoner habits that make you want to scream? Well, scream-away in our comment section below!
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